click logo Dell Discount Coupons Ezine Magazine View this ezine online	Home History Seniors Minis/Juniors Gallery Notice Board Directions Social Events Contact / Membership RFU / Developments	lookylikey   Name: Jon Binstead Nicknames: J-Lo Position: Crash Centre Height:  must be 6 foot'ish Likes: romantic gestures Dislikes:   Honours:   Biography:       lookylikey   Name: Ryan Marshall Nicknames: Beanhead Position: Backrow/second row Height: 6’2” Likes: Nottingham Forest, curly hair, galaxy caramels and snowboarding Dislikes: Digging, thieves and cold sores on a Tuesday.  Honours: Essex youth. Most improved player of the year award and 1st team vice captain Biography: Ryan is a fine specimen of a man. With his boat like feet, long pencil shaped legs and his large bramble bush meets kitchen mop hair it is easy to spot him in a crowd. He was born in 1987 in a small forest just outside Cambodia where he was brought up by a family of monkeys. After being bullied for not eating his own poo Ryan ran away and found himself on a boat to England. After ringing to complain about his orange mobile he was sent some clothes, food and some parents who then sent to St. John Payne catholic school. Ryan being a prime example of when you can’t have something you want it more, he left catholic school and wanted to spread his love seeds around Woodham as quickly as possible and he did so effectively. After a couple of years of wearing his winky to the size of a small cocktail sausage Ryan has finally settled for one partner which effectively will be better for his rugby because he is not allowes out on the lash as much. Ryan is a  great asset to the first team and following in the footsteps of his father is certainly going to be a big part of south woodham rugby for many years to come.   lookilikey Name: Barry Gittos Nicknames: Minesweeper Position: Water boy/Club know all Height: 5' 10'' circumference 5' 10'' Likes: Other peoples pints Dislikes: Being caught at the bar (rare occurrence) Honours: Loudest Club Member 1986 - present Biography: Born on the Isle of dogs, attended 'approved' grammar school. Left school with 2 1/2 pencils,1 crayon and an old satchel. Joined London Transport and rapidly rose to the position of ticket office operative. Represented London transport at football against Paris Metro team (top claim to fame!). Played rugby for PLA and South Woodham. Bathed alone with the whole King Cross Steelers team. Toured to Bromyard with SWFRFC in 1989 (first and last tour!). Finished his playing career in 2001 and has spectated from on the pitch since. Barry has over the years developed to become the club joker everyone knows today. lookilikey   Name: Neil Gittos Nicknames: Heather, Mr Kipp L Hardstuff Position: 16, 17, 18 prop Height: 5ft 11” Likes: Getting the hump, watching rugby and loves his role model dad. Barry, Eating / Eating / Drinking / Drinking / moaning / SKY TV in his room (who knows what he uses that for) Dislikes: Sex, women and people taking the mickey out of him. Honours: *nothing to display* Biography:   Neil Gittos has played for South Woodham Ferrers Rugby Club since he was 4 years old and a good few stones lighter. He has played in some very successful youth teams and is now in the 3 way fight for Starting places as prop for Woodhams first 15. Neil is however always in the first team when it comes to drinking, bitting then getting the right ump!! Which is always very funny for everyone else. He has definitely taken the mantle of ‘Player most likely to Bite / easiest to wind up’. The Award previously held by both Michael Cheyne and Warren Duggan. Some would say there is a connection with these 3 names in that they are all front row, however Warren would quickly point out that he is a WXXXER!!! His hatred of Andy 'Billy Elliot' Williams is also well know however we believe this to be a smoke screen for his undying love for the twinkle toed fly half. Neil has also recently introduced a Alter Ego - Mr Kipp L Hardstuff. Kipp is a really good laugh and can do some serious drinking....and you can often hear Neils friends screaming at neil to go home and send Kipp out. 2 mins, a trip to the toilets and some hair gel later and Kipp is out for the night. But be careful, as it is rumoured that he is an ex-cage fighter from Australia so not someone to be messed with. However it has also been said that he is awesome with the ladies, but we are yet to see this!! lookylikey Name: Paul James Morgan Nicknames: Divvy Position: Lock / 2nd Row Height: 6’ 4” Likes: Fried Bread & Mayonnaise Dislikes: Anything not fried and without Mayonnaise - beige hats Honours: Appearance on The Big Breakfast as a Boy scout – dib dib dob dob. Biography: Born in 1981 Paul “Divvy” Morgan soon found his calling working on a farm. His claim to fame being an unfortunate incident when his pen1s “fell out” of his shorts and into the mouth of a calf. If you know Divvy, then you are well aware that his pen1s can not “fall” anywhere. A regular in the SWF RFC first team for many years and the source of much humour for all of them. A student at William De Ferrers School for 5 years and has now been at college for 10!! An Honorary Life member who should be respected for his endeavours in building our fabulous new club house which was opened in 2005.   Steve McQueen         Name: Sean Harman Nicknames: Spring Chicken Position: Hooker Height: 5' Likes:   Dislikes:   Honours: Ex Club Captain       Bill Beaumont         Name: Marc Jiggins Nicknames: Jiggo Position: Prop Height: 6' Likes: Southern Fried Chicken skin, drinking and shouting. Dislikes: Exercise, dieting and Meathead. Honours: Ex Club Captain, Vice President, U6's coach, club poet. Biography: Started life in the backs but quickly lost the desire of pace when discovering he could eat and drink for a living, moved swiftly into the forwards where he new he could shelter from the elements on a cold day but found to his dismay he was of challenged height to sustain a permanent place in the second row as gleefully pointed out on many occasion by his father in law the legend known as Andy Elliott thus finding himself at the only place left for him to go at the coal face in the front finding this more suitable to his talents of being fat sloth like and aggressive with a tendency to go to ground without telling his hooker     lookylikey Name: Stuart John Whatling Nicknames: Big Stuart / Willie Thorne / Stu father of Stu Position: Broken Prop / Back Row  Height: 6’ 2” Likes: Snooker, regurgitated pasties & quiet nights in  Dislikes: Waiting to go to the toilet & loud lecherous perverts (worse than him) Honours: 2001 Twickenham Warm Pasty eating champ. Biography: Born in 1965 Stuart was beaten round the head regularly by his mother with a golf club to toughen him up. He took to self-harming by jumping out of perfectly good airplanes using only his red helmet for safety. His mastering of tactfulness and diplomacy has left many people speechless. Very much a clubman, Stuart is dedicated to the future of this club and without his commitment and connections we may not have had fine club that we have today. Although, he is now nearing the end of his usefulness to the club now that his son, who is a much better player, more handsome, faster, hairier and nicer person than he is.   lookylikey   Name: Alan Matthews Nicknames: ALE BOY, A.W.O.L. Position: Usually Australian or Vegas - occasionally Woodham Height: Difficult to establish as he always stoops so low! Likes: 'em young, Cricket, Roulette, Blackjack, Poker and Skiing. oh and sleep Dislikes: Working and playing rugby in the winter Honours: One of the Barmy Army's most loyal supporters Biography: Born naturally work shy, this player has had his rugby career shortened due to the fact he has to keep travelling from country to country (yuppie Pikey) only moving on when he hears a rumour that someone is about to offer him a job. lookylikey   Name: Sean Slater Nicknames: The Controlla/Slim Sean Position: Loose Head Prop Height: Dont know, but Sean states that he is now officially taller than he is round! Likes: Being drunk, getting drunk and planning a drink! Dislikes: Narrow passage ways and waking up sober Honours: Being compared to the legendary STALKER in the drinking stakes. Biography: For years a young man trapped in an old mans body this prop now feels that he is coming of age. He has turned down an obvious career as a professional eater to instead attempt to follow the path of SWFRUFC champion drinker The Stalker. Followers of the young drinker suggest that he has the 'capacity' but not the 'bladder control' to replicate the club's hero. Sean says: 'I drink what is put in front of me and I pxxs where I stand! What bladder problem!' (supplied by Matt??) lookylikey   Name: Brian Foley Nicknames: dusty ken, hitched Position: centre / winger/full back Height: 5'11'' Likes: drinking, getting the hump, roulette Dislikes: losing at roulette Honours: 2nd Team Captain Biography: Ryan is a simple lad. very straight forward and amusing. Ryan likes to help the club as much as he can regardless of his disabilities. i.e. wonky jaw. Ryan's main claim to fame was head honcho of fathers for justice, you may remember him on tower bridge dressed up in a batman costume. please visit www.fathers-4-justice.org   one of brighty's famous hand offs lookylikey     Name: Ian Reginald Bright Nicknames: Notso/Brighty Position: Utility back or forward/Long distance dog walker Height: 4'9" in his bare feet Likes: not passing/big hits/handing off Dislikes: passing/cornish pasties and port Honours: World hand off champion/pasty regurgitating champion of Twickenham Biography: Born in the dim and distant past. Ian practised his hand-offs on any unsuspecting passers-by, he then put this into practice on the rugby field, where he hands off the opposition - ball in hand or not. Ian is one of the quieter club members and is very rarely seen at the bar (because he cant see over it). He has been a loyal clubman for many years and a disloyal one even longer.         Name: Warren! Nicknames: Digga / Hands Position: Wing (not centre) Height: 5' 2 Likes: OTT wooing, pretending he is a cowboy by shooting the air, admiring Leon Gateson from a distance, Referring back to the glory days of last season. High Pitched Laughter. Dislikes: Lager & Buffon hair. Honours: Top try scorer once apparently…zzzzz zzzzz Biography: Warren actually grew up an accomplished footballer, but soon realised how much harder he could look if he played rugby. He had much success as a youth/colt (mainly because he played in teams that included 14 county players and the Digga). Made an immediate impact in Woodham where, due to a fairground accident (Carney!) involving a bottle of helium, he became infamous for his girlishly high pitched laugh and moany voice. Suceeded Cheyne as team biter/moaner and held the title right up until this year before losing out in a close fought battle with Neil Gittos.   A now more mature and popular character (apparently), Warren has taken to impersonating a cowboy at every given oppurtunity, using his fingers to shoot the air every time anything good happens. Always in a good mood due to his positive outlook on life, it is a very rare sight to see Warren in a bad mood or moaning about anything.   Digga has become a recent fan of dieting, and using his "thinspiration" photos, starts a new diet every other week. However his weight loss drive has experienced serious problems recently, with the debut of "Wednesday night Barbecue Club" where Digga is a gold card member. On the serious rugby side, Digga has been a prolific try scorer for the 1st XV and has been an integral part of the clubs recent success, and this season has even managed to learn how to pass, to now become the all-rounded player.           Name: Darren Lang Nicknames: ‘Coach’ ‘Bloke’ ‘Darren’ Position: Missionary, Prop thingy, Lockette Height: Shorter in stockinged feet, taller in stilettos Likes: Being called coach, Blackcurrant, exotic ladies Dislikes: Being coach, Guinness, Exotic men Honours: Still has a sixpence from the tooth fairy.  Essex Ambulance Service “Call-out Club” Card Holder Biography: Born.  Lived at an early age.  Grew up older. Played around a bit, went grey, Joined SWF RUFC. Added weight to the pack. Often found dazed and confused before, during and after a game especially internationals on TV. Claims to work undercover (or is it the underground?). Saving up to buy a Caribbean Island. Looks up to Andy Elliott.  Looks down to Warren Duggan. Now gets occasional work from being a lookilikey as Peter Kay's elderly father.     lookilikey       Name: Robert Pitts Nicknames: Mr Happy or Pittsy Position: Full Back / Back Row Height: 5ft 11ins but shrinking, Weight: 4 stone ( not including lumps ) Likes: Ugly drunken women ( a recent development ), dislocating his shoulder and breaking his nose. Touring and dressing up, the camper the better. Dislikes: Dislikes: Too numerous to list them all.  1.       Foreigners speaking English. 2.       Foreigners using the same holiday complex. 3.       Leaving a holiday complex, when all inclusive 4.       Talking to anyone especially on holiday. 5.       Decorating and gardening. 6.       Watching reality shows. 7.       Watching soap operas. 8.       Watching any TV except for Rugby. 9.       ETC Honours:  Selected at full back for Essex (picked from a squad of 25 players, only 7 backs. Selected at full back for Eastern Counties (picked from a squad of 40 players, only 7 backs).  Selected at flanker for the Fire service (picked from a squad of 50 players, only 8 forwards). SWF RFC 1st team captain for many years. Honorary member of the Grumpy 4, like the Fab 4 but very moany ( includes Nobby, Colin and old Bully) Biography: Bob went to school in Basildon where he studied smoking behind the bike shed and trying to get a drink. He left school when it was possible to fail O levels and did. He lasted one year in a shipping company and then met a girl from Billericay, who was miles to good for him but liked a bit of rough. Bob joined the fire service as a fire fighter and after over 30 years of intensive training has rose through the ranks to become a fire fighter. Bob discovered Rugby as the only way of getting a drink and played for many years at Basildon at full back. He threw his rattle out of the pram because they would not play him at flanker and joined Woodham who only had two other back row players. Bob played for Woodham for many years and only returned to Basildon for a short period to play with his brother. He got selected to play for the fire service in Vegas as one of the 15 players who paid for the trip. One highlight of Bob’s playing career was celebrating a try by raising his arm as he dived in and dislocating his shoulder much to the enjoyment of the watching crowd. Bob is also adding to their enjoyment by trying to play scrum half. Bob is nearing the end of his career now with only one good arm and crap legs. He has taken up coaching and has managed to get his nose broken by a 13 year old boy. Like Carling Beer, Bob is probably the best player Woodham has had up to now.       Name: Michael Cheyne Nicknames: Cheyne / Sir Position: Prop / Hooker Height: 6' ?? Likes: Ice Cream / Wine Gums / Sleeping where ever he is. (Including whilst try to light a cigarette.) / A Tactical Stretch in training during heavy fitness work. Dislikes: Not being able to sleep we he wants - Although this doesn't normally stop him. Honours: Saracens / Toulouse / England U?? ETC blah Biography:   Anyone help? (thanks for the picture Digga)         Name: Robin Duklow Nicknames: Nobby / Mr Happy2 / Scaff3 Position:   Height:   Likes:   Dislikes:   Honours:   Biography:               Name: Colin Gardener Nicknames:   Position:   Height:   Likes:   Dislikes:   Honours:   Biography:           Name: David Bull Nicknames: Bully Position: back row Height: tallish Likes: blokes wearing skirts & Scottish Flowers Dislikes: losing Honours:   Biography: David ‘Bully’ Bull is another member of Woodhams first team that has been at the club since he first took up rugby at the age of 4. He is a very important member of the first team and was a successful Club Captain! But more importantly he is one of the top members of the Clubs drinking Culture. Bully has taken many young players under his wing over the years – Digga / Andy Williams / Neil Gittos and Lee Guess to name but a few. Some people would say that he is even looked up to or admired as a leader. Even the Mighty Michael Cheyne often looks for Bullys approval. He is one of the first to stick up for his mates and was once one of the last men standing at any nightout. Then all of a sudden a few years ago now Bully was seen sloping off home early doors from nights out…Claiming his homing legs had kicked in…but we all knew this could mean only one thing!! Female intervention! But despite this intervention BullDog social life has not suffered much. Unlike other Members of the Club. He is still one of the few woodham players that can normally be found out Thursday / Friday and Saturday nights week in week out!! Without fail. In recent years Bully has become a somewhat of a Joan Collins figure attempting to fight the aging process, he has had some success and has actually been 24 since 2003. However recent accusations have been made that Bully age as shown on WII Fit was 27, however these reports were shown to be fake when fellow SWFRFC member Will Polston was shown to be 82. Despite his ascent towards the dizzy milestone of 30. Bully, along with his Housemate Sean Slater is a player described as "in his prime and in peak physical condition" this may be due to their rigorous house diet of takeaways and then extensive use of their new recovery facility (a hottub!) Along with several other currant first team players, Bully has been an integral part of Woodhams recent success.     Jeffrey Fourmile from George & Mildred       Name: Nigel Wilson Nicknames:   Position:   Height:   Likes:   Dislikes:   Honours:   Biography:             Name: Liam Murphy Nicknames:   Position: Kaaaar Paaaark Attendant Height:   Likes:   Dislikes:   Honours:   Biography:           Name: Dean Burrels Nicknames: Bertie Position: Wing / 2nd Row Height: 6'2'' x 2'' x 4'' Likes: 2nd Row, Food, Stella, Arguing & Cheyne x Dislikes: losing weight Honours: He played (nearly) 2 games last year Biography:               Name: Karl Harmon Nicknames: Scaff & 'that gobby scrum half' Position:   Height:   Likes:   Dislikes:   Honours:   Biography:               Name: Dean Nicknames: Deano Position:   Height:   Likes:   Dislikes:   Honours:   Biography:               Name: Ryan Marshall Nicknames: Beanhead Position:   Height:   Likes:   Dislikes:   Honours:   Biography:         Stag Smurf       Name: Andy Collins Nicknames: Jocky Position: Wing Height: not there yet - (he makes Digga look tall) Likes: Declaring his love of other men & getting naked Dislikes: Whatling telling of his love of other men & playing in long grass Honours: His grasp of the English Language. Not having to buy all his cloths from Mothercare Biography:         Billy Elliott     Name: Andy Williams Nicknames: Ears, Gay 1 and Andy the Jew Position: Anything from behind, fly half, centre Height: 1 and a half Jocky's Likes: Nachos, boys and little hats, Ballet, Gay lager Dislikes: Neil Gittos, virgins, Jews, anyone that talks about his Rabii, straight hair (or maybe straight people?) Honours: Saracens academy, Essex, SWF Biography:   Born up north, Andy started boxing at a very young age but then realised he preferred ballet, after any years of dancing and running round in circles he decided to take up rugby. He still has problems running in straight lines on windy days due to having the biggest ears any little boy had ever seen. After his recent stint in jail from touching boys he has come back to rugby with a spring in his step and brought his South African paedophile friend Rhett the vet. Andy is now currently trying to set up a young boys rugby team this is just showing how rehabilitation is moving forward step by step. Moe Szyslak         Name: Dieter Parry Nicknames: Der, Guinness & son of Dennis Position: Front row Height: Dunno, must be short as he carries ladders around with him Likes: Guinness & winning ball Dislikes: letting anyone else have the ball, even his on players - "Dieter, let go of the bloody ball" Honours: His looks Biography: