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lookilikey Name: Barry Gittos Nicknames: Minesweeper Position: Water boy/Club know all Height: 5' 10'' circumference 5' 10'' Likes: Other peoples pints Dislikes: Being caught at the bar (rare occurrence) Honours: Loudest Club Member 1986 - present Biography: Born on the Isle of dogs, attended 'approved' grammar school. Left school with 2 1/2 pencils,1 crayon and an old satchel. Joined London Transport and rapidly rose to the position of ticket office operative. Represented London transport at football against Paris Metro team (top claim to fame!). Played rugby for PLA and South Woodham. Bathed alone with the whole King Cross Steelers team. Toured to Bromyard with SWFRFC in 1989 (first and last tour!). Finished his playing career in 2001 and has spectated from on the pitch since. Barry has over the years developed to become the club joker everyone knows today. lookylikey Name: Paul James Morgan Nicknames: Divvy Position: Lock / 2nd Row Height: 6’ 4” Likes: Fried Bread & Mayonnaise Dislikes: Anything not fried and without Mayonnaise - beige hats Honours: Appearance on The Big Breakfast as a Boy scout – dib dib dob dob. Biography: Born in 1981 Paul “Divvy” Morgan soon found his calling working on a farm. His claim to fame being an unfortunate incident when his pen1s “fell out” of his shorts and into the mouth of a calf. If you know Divvy, then you are well aware that his pen1s can not “fall” anywhere. A regular in the SWF RFC first team for many years and the source of much humour for all of them. A student at William De Ferrers School for 5 years and has now been at college for 10!! An Honorary Life member who should be respected for his endeavours in building our fabulous new club house which was opened in 2005. lookylikey Name: Stuart John Whatling Nicknames: Big Stuart / Willie Thorne / Stu father of Stu Position: Broken Prop / Back Row  Height: 6’ 2” Likes: Snooker, regurgitated pasties & quiet nights in  Dislikes: Waiting to go to the toilet & loud lecherous perverts (worse than him) Honours: 2001 Twickenham Warm Pasty eating champ. Biography: Born in 1965 Stuart was beaten round the head regularly by his mother with a golf club to toughen him up. He took to self-harming by jumping out of perfectly good airplanes using only his red helmet for safety. His mastering of tactfulness and diplomacy has left many people speechless. Very much a clubman, Stuart is dedicated to the future of this club and without his commitment and connections we may not have had fine club that we have today. Although, he is now nearing the end of his usefulness to the club now that his son, who is a much better player, more handsome, faster, hairier and nicer person than he is.   lookylikey   Name: Alan Matthews Nicknames: ALE BOY, A.W.O.L. Position: Usually Australian or Vegas - occasionally Woodham Height: Difficult to establish as he always stoops so low! Likes: 'em young, Cricket, Roulette, Blackjack, Poker and Skiing. oh and sleep Dislikes: Working and playing rugby in the winter Honours: One of the Barmy Army's most loyal supporters Biography: Born naturally work shy, this player has had his rugby career shortened due to the fact he has to keep travelling from country to country (yuppie Pikey) only moving on when he hears a rumour that someone is about to offer him a job. lookylikey   Name: Sean Slater Nicknames: The Controlla/Slim Sean Position: Loose Head Prop Height: Dont know, but Sean states that he is now officially taller than he is round! Likes: Being drunk, getting drunk and planning a drink! Dislikes: Narrow passage ways and waking up sober Honours: Being compared to the legendary STALKER in the drinking stakes. Biography: For years a young man trapped in an old mans body this prop now feels that he is coming of age. He has turned down an obvious career as a professional eater to instead attempt to follow the path of SWFRUFC champion drinker The Stalker. Followers of the young drinker suggest that he has the 'capacity' but not the 'bladder control' to replicate the club's hero. Sean says: 'I drink what is put in front of me and I pxxs where I stand! What bladder problem!' (supplied by Matt??) lookylikey   Name: Brian Foley Nicknames: dusty ken, hitched Position: centre / winger/full back Height: 5'11'' Likes: drinking, getting the hump, roulette Dislikes: losing at roulette Honours: 2nd Team Captain Biography: Ryan is a simple lad. very straight forward and amusing. Ryan likes to help the club as much as he can regardless of his disabilities. i.e. wonky jaw. Ryan's main claim to fame was head honcho of fathers for justice, you may remember him on tower bridge dressed up in a batman costume. please visit www.fathers-4-justice.org   one of brighty's famous hand offs lookylikey     Name: Ian Reginald Bright Nicknames: Notso/Brighty Position: Utility back or forward/Long distance dog walker Height: 4'9" in his bare feet Likes: not passing/big hits/handing off Dislikes: passing/cornish pasties and port Honours: World hand off champion/pasty regurgitating champion of Twickenham Biography: Born in the dim and distant past. Ian practised his hand-offs on any unsuspecting passers-by, he then put this into practice on the rugby field, where he hands off the opposition - ball in hand or not. Ian is one of the quieter club members and is very rarely seen at the bar (because he cant see over it). He has been a loyal clubman for many years and a disloyal one even longer.         Name: Warren! Nicknames: Digga / Hands Position: Wing (not centre) Height: 5' 10 cms Likes: Petting, quiet nights in, cider black and shouting “woooo”. Oh and food. Dislikes: Lager & Buffon hair. Honours: Top try scorer once apparently…zzzzz zzzzz Biography: Warren is a valued member of the 1st XV and has been a constant in the side for going on 5 years. Renowned for his catching ability (in particular his stunning performance in the 2004 Cup Final – which he rates as his best juggling show ever!) and his height. Warren is one of the more mature members of the team, always refraining from referee “back chat” and never (EVER) throwing his toys out the pram when he doesn’t get his own way.         Name: Darren Lang Nicknames: ‘Coach’ ‘Bloke’ ‘Darren’ Position: Missionary, Prop thingy, Lockette Height: Shorter in stockinged feet, taller in stilettos Likes: Being called coach, Blackcurrant, exotic ladies Dislikes: Being coach, Guinness, Exotic men Honours: Still has a sixpence from the tooth fairy.  Essex Ambulance Service “Call-out Club” Card Holder Biography: Born.  Lived at an early age.  Grew up older. Played around a bit, went grey, Joined SWF RUFC. Added weight to the pack. Often found dazed and confused before, during and after a game especially internationals on TV. Claims to work undercover (or is it the underground?). Saving up to buy a Caribbean Island. Looks up to Andy Elliott.  Looks down to Warren Duggan. Now gets occasional work from being a lookilikey as Peter Kay's elderly father.     lookilikey       Name: Robert Pitts Nicknames: Mr Happy or Pittsy Position: Full Back / Back Row Height: 5ft 11ins but shrinking, Weight: 4 stone ( not including lumps ) Likes: Ugly drunken women ( a recent development ), dislocating his shoulder and breaking his nose. Touring and dressing up, the camper the better. Dislikes: Dislikes: Too numerous to list them all.  1.       Foreigners speaking English. 2.       Foreigners using the same holiday complex. 3.       Leaving a holiday complex, when all inclusive 4.       Talking to anyone especially on holiday. 5.       Decorating and gardening. 6.       Watching reality shows. 7.       Watching soap operas. 8.       Watching any TV except for Rugby. 9.       ETC Honours:  Selected at full back for Essex (picked from a squad of 25 players, only 7 backs. Selected at full back for Eastern Counties (picked from a squad of 40 players, only 7 backs).  Selected at flanker for the Fire service (picked from a squad of 50 players, only 8 forwards). SWF RFC 1st team captain for many years. Honorary member of the Grumpy 4, like the Fab 4 but very moany ( includes Nobby, Colin and old Bully) Biography: Bob went to school in Basildon where he studied smoking behind the bike shed and trying to get a drink. He left school when it was possible to fail O levels and did. He lasted one year in a shipping company and then met a girl from Billericay, who was miles to good for him but liked a bit of rough. Bob joined the fire service as a fire fighter and after over 30 years of intensive training has rose through the ranks to become a fire fighter. Bob discovered Rugby as the only way of getting a drink and played for many years at Basildon at full back. He threw his rattle out of the pram because they would not play him at flanker and joined Woodham who only had two other back row players. Bob played for Woodham for many years and only returned to Basildon for a short period to play with his brother. He got selected to play for the fire service in Vegas as one of the 15 players who paid for the trip. One highlight of Bob’s playing career was celebrating a try by raising his arm as he dived in and dislocating his shoulder much to the enjoyment of the watching crowd. Bob is also adding to their enjoyment by trying to play scrum half. Bob is nearing the end of his career now with only one good arm and crap legs. He has taken up coaching and has managed to get his nose broken by a 13 year old boy. Like Carling Beer, Bob is probably the best player Woodham has had up to now.       Name: Michael Cheyne Nicknames: Cheyne / Sir Position: Prop / Hooker Height: 6' ?? Likes: Ice Cream / Wine Gums / Sleeping where ever he is. (Including whilst try to light a cigarette.) / A Tactical Stretch in training during heavy fitness work. Dislikes: Not being able to sleep we he wants - Although this doesn't normally stop him. Honours: Saracens / Toulouse / England U?? ETC blah Biography:   Anyone help? (thanks for the picture Digga)         Name: Robin Duklow Nicknames: Nobby / Mr Happy2 / Scaff3 Position:   Height:   Likes:   Dislikes:   Honours:   Biography:               Name: Colin Gardener Nicknames:   Position:   Height:   Likes:   Dislikes:   Honours:   Biography:           Name: David Bull Nicknames: Bully Position:   Height:   Likes:   Dislikes:   Honours:   Biography:         Jeffrey Fourmile from George & Mildred       Name: Nigel Wilson Nicknames:   Position:   Height:   Likes:   Dislikes:   Honours:   Biography:             Name: Liam Murphy Nicknames:   Position: Kaaaar Paaaark Attendant Height:   Likes:   Dislikes:   Honours:   Biography:           Name: Dean Burrels Nicknames: Bertie Position: Wing / 2nd Row Height: 6'2'' x 2'' x 4'' Likes: 2nd Row, Food, Stella, Arguing & Cheyne x Dislikes: losing weight Honours: He played (nearly) 2 games last year Biography:               Name: Karl Harmon Nicknames: Scaff & 'that gobby scrum half' Position:   Height:   Likes:   Dislikes:   Honours:   Biography:               Name: Dean Nicknames: Deano Position:   Height:   Likes:   Dislikes:   Honours:   Biography:               Name: Ryan Marshall Nicknames: Beanhead Position:   Height:   Likes:   Dislikes:   Honours:   Biography:         Stag Smurf       Name: Andy Collins Nicknames: Jocky Position: Wing Height: not there yet - (he makes Digga look tall) Likes: Declaring his love of other men & getting naked Dislikes: Whatling telling of his love of other men & playing in long grass Honours: His grasp of the English Language. Not having to buy all his cloths from Mothercare Biography:         Billy Elliott     Name: Andy Williams Nicknames: Ears, Gay 1 and Andy the Jew Position: Anything from behind, fly half, centre Height: